for you

okok. i am so sorry. the last post i forgot to include the names of the 4 most impt people that waited for us inside the theatre. n i am so sorry. i didnt forget on purpose. it just slipped off mty mind sey. tkmo marah hor. i only remembered people whom i met outside of the theatre. keke. sOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO sorry. ok. this post is for AQIDAH AND AMIRUL. and this especially goes out to...

NURHAYATI MD FAUZY

AND

NUR FARZANA ROSTAM

aku love korang lah. sorry k? ada faham? =)

k dah. i got nothing more to blog aktuali. no lah. aktuali got a lot. but i very lazy to blog abt it. hmm let me see. oh yah. firstly, just now somebody belanja me, lahling and hayati ice cream..! i loike! keke. ok. secondly, hayati literally tripped off the stairs and fell. haha. it was damn funny lah. *dah gitu pun masih nak maintain vogue. sheesh.* thirdly, lahling tersangkut while trying to get into the taxi. he just cant close the taxi door no matter how hard he tried. and he ended up struggling like nobody's business. there's a UMM women a second there. *ok. personal joke. =P* aniwae. supposed to meet abg nizam today. but ALL my grp members were busy. so yeah. cant get to meet him.

OMG! GP PROMOS IS TMRW! WTF!

OOOOKAAY... i think i better go study something. if not.. sheesh. dont ever talk abt the outcome izyan. never. *haiya! tai ah tai!* gotta rush people. lovees~

ps. lahling. thanks for being there for me hor.
saya betul2 appreciate kehadiran awak tadi dan sebelumnya.
jenin sayang awak sangat2 k. <33

``Mat Jenin

KHILAF

i'm back from the KHILAF! gosh. it has been hectic for the past 4 days of my life. i just joined khilaf on wednesday and saturday is the performance.. `can u believe it? only 2 days of training for a big performance. like wth. but nevertheless. it is fun. teehee. on friday we had a camp at NIE and i swear for first time i never felt tired. from being in 2 scenes, i ended up being in every single cabaret scene there is. n at the camp, i learnt the dance steps. n again. `can u believe it? too many little things made up the fun times i enjoyed during this period of time. i get to know new people. i get to be on stage. i get to act. i get to enjoy and cherish those drama moments that i'll not be able to enjoy in the short run. teehee. best ke pe.

hafiz looked super funny when he danced and sang. hazriq looked super scared when he's supposed to dance with me. *no wonder. hafiz told him i was a trans. ass u.* Lahling looked super tensed when i sat on him. and i looked super HOT. ok crap. haha. no lah. it was my lips actually. it was so obvious when i wore those blood red lipsticks. *i hate MAKEUPS.* yeah. during the performance day, we ate bread for breakfast and bicuits for lunch. it lasted us for the whole day, like 10 plus 11 pm? ok one more time. `can u believe it? oh oh. yah. Lahling's gf was there. wow. what a surprise. *ape lagi izyan? FLIRT ah!* that was what my mind was telling me. but on second thought. i dont think so lah. so BITCHY. but some of the cast was like, 'Yan, boleh lah. kau FLIRT gile maut punye ah. tk obscene. serious. kau buat aje.' i was like laughing away siak. i didnt know i would get the green light from Lahling. `can u believe it? sheesh. n yah. hafiz. even though i was in those tight batik n corset, he just wont stop bugging me. he kept pushing me back stage. OBJECTIVE:TO MAKE IZYAN FALL. tk guna kn. luckily i'm in my kain. if not my foot would have landed on his head. grr.

n i didnt know so many people would turn up. `can u believe it? so supportive of them. ok i'd like to mention who i saw. AMIRAH, HER BROTHER [I LOIKE!!!], SHA2, AZIMAH, TWIN SIS, HUMAIRAH, AINI, NIZAR and HANNAH. thanks a lot people for supporting theatre arena. we love u! =))

ok the bottomline.

`i just love acting.

`i just love drama.

ps. I KNOW ITS NOT MY FAULT. BUT I'M SAYING SORRY BECAUSE I LOVE YOU.

``Mat Jenin

idiot

i cant believe i fucking trusted u. u think i know nothing. u think i'm naive. u think i'm gonna follow whatever the fuck that u say. u r fucking wrong. just when i said i wanted to change. for the sake of u. just when u said u r still going to stick to me. fucking lies. i saw her blog idiot. just because she's a big fat bitch doesnt mean i am big fat afraid of her. dumb ass. now i know. i realli know. n i'm realli convinced. n now i'm going to make 3 BIG statements n make sure u get this inside ur head.

I DONT LOVE U ANYMORE. I DONT WANT TO BE WITH U ANYMORE. N DONT U EVER BOTHER MY LIFE AGAIN.

oh gosh. cant believe i can hurt this much. so much for ur LIES idiot. grrr. idiot idiot idiot idiot. shit lah. cant believe i fucking trusted u. fuck lah izyan. argh. ok stop. no more nonsense from u, izyan. he's a bloody ass mother fucker cant u see? move on already. sheesh. alrite. hope ur happy with your 'budak kecik' you 'budak besar'. GO FUCK WITH YOUR FAT N SMELLY BITCH FOR ALL I CARE. SHITHEAD FUCKERS.

PERIOD.

``Mat Jenin

btw

oh yah. btw.

HAPPY 43rd BIRTHDAY,

SINGAPORE!

I LOVE YOU!!

&& HAPPY NATIONAL DAY EVERYONE!!!!!!

080808

yday was fun. we had activities in school, after school n the best part is, there were cute people everywhere! teehee. ok stop. yday i went bowling with hafiz hidayah handry n zul. i learnt one thing yday. hafiz knew how to BOWL! like wth. he was damn good lah. shoot him. grr. aniwae. we wanted to make that day as special as possible so we decided to invited amirah razak along. *well she was hoping somthing special would happen on that day. =P* then we went to jrg ent ctr to get some pictures. which surprising turns out nice considering the fact that hafiz was in picture. haha. oh yah btw. he looked so hot lah in his outfit. *Hafiz, if ur reading this, jgn nk kembang2 pulak. dah bagus aku puji kau tau.* aniwae talkign abt outfits, i cant even walk properly in the outfit that i wore yday. i swear i nvr wear those kinda stuff before. i feel womanised. haha. the flaps at the bottom of that dress keeps flipping open exposing whatever that shudnt be exposed. having said that, ya know what zul told me? if he sees it once accidentally, it's a bonus. if he sees it more than 2 times, it's considered a sin. wth. haha. nevertheless i had fun yday. so much fun to the extent that i forgot my hunger. kekeke. yeah. ok. i love my peeps. sheesh. random siak. haha. okok i'm done.

ps. ur confession on this day really made a difference. it made my heart smile. =)

``Mat Jenin

MI Mart

yday i went to PS to check out the MI Mart with handry fafa n haha. n it was not something i expected. i thought it would be big but its not. whatever it was still FUN. haha. it felt like school gitu. cuz everywhere i turn i know these ppl's faces. =)) good job everyone. then while waiting for lahling to finish his stuff there, me hafiz handry fafa along with the A5 girls went to the Padang to watch fireworks. so nicee. dah mcm budak2 deprived yg tk pernah tgk fireworks gitu. haha. den this maybank building got this scrolling lights that says ' NDP 08'. double nicee. teehee. then after that they went to eat at raffles city SC but then decided to walk fafa to the mrt station cuz she had to go off. from there i went back to PS n met lahling. then he sent me home. =)

all in all today i got 3 stuff that my lovees~ bought for me from MI Mart. handry gave me a green flower. *green? weird.* saiful gave me a pair of earings. *that 1 belen2 sey. kurang asam.* lahling gave me a PINK windmill that spins when the wind blows. *i wonder what's that supposed to mean.* aniwae yday was realli fun. oh yah. n the funny thing is ppl dont recognise me. wth. do i realli look that bad? sheesh. =P btw i dont know why but yday in the early evening just before we went off to watch the fireworks tonnes of ppl came to me n said, 'ALERT ALERT ALERT. STAY AWAY FROM THE MI MART. DANGER.' i swear i dont know why they do that lah. esp lahling. so random sak. haha. shortly after that the A5 girls urged us to the Padang for the fireworks. haiya. gila punya dunia.

ok this is off topic. i just realised that i had a SUPER PRETTY BESTFRIEND. haha. ok. random! =P nevertheless. he's hot. *gosh. i cant believe i said that lah.*

ps. that msg u gave me after u sent me home made me go La La~

``Mat Jenin

Lahling ah

ok. just now i went out with my dear lahling. we went to the NLB to find some of my PW materials. spending a whole day with him taught me something about him. he wore the same perfume, he dresses the same fashion, he eats the same way and he made me happy to the exact same extent. just like METKF. hish. i cant believe it. no wonder i kept kissing his shoulders. it was that damn perfume. that exact same perfume i've lived with for the past 3 yrs of my life. everything i buried just popped back up. my lahling realli reminded me of METKF. ok enough of METKF. whatever it is my lahling realli made me happy. thnx eh babe. thnx for the time n listening ear. i realli appreciate it. =) ok i'm done. haha. *what a pathetic post.*

ps. lahling ah.

wa pilan2 sidang jiatuh cinta sama lu lei.

jangian ini maciam lah.

wa manyak silam sikali.

``Mat Jenin

its ok

"I saw you with your new girl just yesterday,

And I feel that i must confess.

Even though it kills me to have to say,

I'll admit that I was impressed."

well. happy 12 days to u two. i think i have nothing more to say. it seem so easy for u to move on. so easy for u to find a replacement. maybe because u already knew her for like quite sometime already. u dont know how much it hurts to see that. to see how much u eased out of ur previous relationship with me. it just hurts so much. but u were so happy. for that i think i'm happy for u too. i hope i'm strong enough to face all these. u've put me in much much worse situations before and i made it thru. why not now? its hard to move on in the first place. i am just so thankful that i have my frens around me. i know for now that i dont need a relationship. after seeing u n ur new gf, it made me double sure that i dont want a relationship. because firstly, i have my studies. secondly, i dont want additional problems. thirdly, i need time to move on. i dont wanna reminisce animore. i just wish both of u all the best for ur future. *smiles* i hope she'll love u better than i do. *now i am angry.*

cheebai lah. stupid cheating bastard. u ass-headed motherfucker.

u think ur the sweetest guy-with-a-dick in the entire whole wide world? u r sooooooo wrong, Mister.

we'll see who gets the last laugh, idiot.

whatever it is, happy going-thru-the-ups-&-DOWNS-together to the both of u.

ps. bitch, i dont hate u. i hate ur bf.

*ok. after all that, i feel better now. =)*

``Mat Jenin

Zimbabwe

well last few days were just super awesome. i had my dose of fun on monday which is RACIAL HARMONY DAY! yay! haha. n i got myself a self-proclaimed temporary boyfriend. haha. Mr Jul-Keith-Lee. =)) well. on monday it turns out as expected. like more than 3/4 the sch's population r NOT in their costumes. like wth. so tk sporting. sheesh. aniwae. i got my bangs. literally everyone called me a Zimbabwean-Born Chinese. super kurang ajar. haha. i am not lah kn. although i do agree that i look very much like a zimbabwean in cheongsam. =P. haha. so yeah. for once in my life, i LOVED monday. gosh. the day went by so fast lah kn. oh yah. my TBF sent me home. *haiya Jul. tengkiu vely mas ah 4 sentin me home ah. vely suwit ah u.* ok the typical me. pictures. =)

me n zahrah.me n handryfandy n meme n nizar *this handry dont know how to take a simple picture. grr.*amirah n me darlinhidayah n memeet the temporary boyfriend. =P


ps. i stopped talking to u i guess. why? i dont know.

``Mat Jenin

Pantun

yday we went to the pantun finals. n after rounds of stupidity, we came in 3rd. hee. expected mah. haiya. then after that we changed n we went off to kak su's mum's boutique n stayed there n chatted for a few hours with cg lilla. then cg lilla went for a full body massage n we went off. we as in hidayah hafiz zul n me. we went off to bugis junction n stayed there for a while. then suddenly, while we were beside a man's clothes retailer, the song 'Get Low' was played. n guess what hafiz did. yeah. he danced. yes. he danced in the middle of that bugis junction. it was damn embarrassing lah! everybody was looking sia. he didnt particularly dance tau. he swayed n grinded on the wall sia! irritating sey. so memalukan. haha. i got the video lah aktuali but i hadnt got time to upload it yet. if i do then i'll post it up. *embarrassing him is my hobby. =)*

well. yday was also the day i got to know something i wished i didnt know. i didnt know that u could do this to me. i thought i could rely on u. but u made me feel i was wrong. u made me feel that u;ve played me behind my back. u changed. u keep making me feel that way. kept going against ur own words. i know i shouldnt say all these but i just cant stop myself. u have ur own life now. i cant possible contain everything under my control n acknowledgement. i hope ur happy with what ur doing. i hope u'll finally understand what i'm going thru as much as i know what ur going thru. i hope u know that u've changed. i dont think i fit in ur category animore. i'm sorry. its just me i guess. now all i want from u is one thing n one thing only. please. ignore me.

ps. i'll still love u no matter what.

``Mat Jenin

post exam

i feel so lethargic lah at school just now. i'm still in the post exam holiday mood sey. haiya. so difficult to suddenly adapt to the assembly just now morning. haha. aniwae my first official lesson starts at 10 which is PE. since it was raining we had to go to the centre stage for a re-grouping of the games group. supposedly i was supposed to be in the hockey games group. but eventually i just realised i hadnt taken my NAPFA test cuz i was on long term mc ever since the starting of the year. so i decided to join in with the NAPFA failures just so i can take my test. n guess what. as usual, when hafiz found out i was with the NAPFA failures, he kept laughing his ass off every single time he saw me *and that's like what? every minute?* wth.

den it was time to take my weight. so paisey lah kn cuz everybody arnd me were particularly guys. then my PE teacher in charge, Mr Sir said, "Do you want me to read out your weight for u or u want to look down and read it urself?" out of laziness, of course i said, "nvrmind ah cher. u read out for me ah. i lazy uh." den u know what he did? i stood on the weighing scale and suddenly he shouted sia, " Izyan, 76.5kg!!!!" i was like OMG! wtf! so paisey lah! den he laughed. i really thought he was saying the truth sey. luckily he was joking. i felt so relieved lah kn. haha. ehem2. now i can proudly say that i dropped 2 kg over the exam period to 56 kg. teehee. =))

ok then after PE me dayah hafiz n handry realised the canteen stall had this new drinks menu. so colourful. hehe. they sold pink champange, blueberry, orangejuice, grape and other coloured drinks lah. then we bought 3 of em. suddenly our break felt so rainbow-ish.

haiya. these two ppl just dont wanna get out of my life n my pictures. oh yah btw, just now morning, during the grooming check in class, i 'pau-to' hafiz. i told my form teacher he had a tatoo. on his forehead. haha.

``Mat Jenin

thanks

i thought if i did nice things to people n act like myself, i would get something nice back in return. but it turns out to be the other way round. why? i dont know. but i just cant stop asking myself. all i wanted was to move on. is it even wrong? am i even allowed to? i am just so freaking lucky that i have my friends around me. they're the only people that makes my world go round. gerl, i so need u now. cuz i'm fucking pissed with myself.

ps. ~just when i thought u make me feel secure.
~just when i thought i can learn to move on.
~just when i thought things are getting better.
~just when i thought i've learnt to love u.

``Mat Jenin

new hottstuff

guess what. i've gotten over the fact. the truth. the reality. like finally.

n i got a new hottstuff.

he's dark.

the way i like it. =)

keep ya'll updated.

oh yah btw.

STOP telling me that me n hafiz look good together!

he looks good wo a gf.

teehee.

ok. gtg.

will update soon.

``Mat Jenin

deprived

oh yeah! i finished this week's exams. mgt pr 2, maths h1, mgt p1 and geog p1. n now for my sastera, my geog p2 and A lvl MT oral. sheesh. now come to think of it, i have a tint of regret for taking my MT H1. haiya. but still. i love the subject though. haha. anw. tmrw i'm going to beloved twin sis's band concert. i so cant wait. the alumni-s are good lah. haha. mcm cool gitu. teehee. *since when jenin loves band sey?*

ya noe what? i suddenly realised that my close frens are aktuali deprived. haiya. so sad. oh well. feathers from the same bird often flock together. haha. ouch lah kn. come let my videos tell u a story of their deprived childhood. first is my darling hidayah. one day i was studying at her house. in her room specifically. that time it was 1 plus am. suddenly she took my hp n started sliding it up n down. obviously it would produce that sliding tone. then she got hooked to it. haiya. the stress of doing maths caused her to react that way i think. haha. so cute. she's deprived of sliding i guess. listen carefully n perhaps u can hear the sound of my hp's slide tone. sorry cause its a bit dark.

ok now for my dear akhlakhen. this is bad. very bad. this is what i call deprived childhood. we were at my house studying for maths. then he saw my brother's buai. then he suddenly called out to me. the next thing i knew... well c for ur self lah. sorry because of the background. i swear i just couldnt stop laughing my head off. then he still can layan me. haha. ok. this video is rated PG. *muke mcm kene possessed gitu. haha.

ok. now i think i'm also deprived. but i dont know because of what. hmm. maybe deprived of a.. bf? haha. nah. tk nk uh. guys now all so kental. haha. k lah. i wanna go sleep. so tired. i squeezed the juice out of my brain when doing mgt paper just now. haha.

``Mat Jenin

stay over

currently i'm at hidayah's house, cracking my brain and doing my maths revision. darn it. ok. that was like 5 mins ago. now i wanna blog. teehee. i wanna tell u guys something u guys already know. sengkang is so damn scary lah at night. from the 161 bus stop we had to pass thru this whole stretch of terraces and childcare. so f***ing eerie! we blast our earphones n started talking *more like shouting* non stop. luckily we got home in one piece. haiya. i think the ghost afraid of me lah because i very manly i guess. haha. aniway we reached her house than went in her room then she started showing me her collection of necklaces. so niceee! then she pulled this black pearl necklace she had when suddenly it snapped and pearls skitted like all over her bedroom floor. like what the heck. out of courtesy i offer to help her re-do her necklace.

therefore i ended up weaving the beads for her in the middle of the night when ppl were supposed to go sleep. oh well. at least i learned something new. =)

ok that was it. then i changed to a night suit then we sat on the bed and chatted. and chatted. and chatted. *10 years later...* and chatted. and chatted. then i realised that i had been 'gentel'-ing this spongey spongebob. u know. the kind with the bean bag kinda filling. so squishy. i loike! haha. its my addiction now. dont u think we look so perfect together...? =P

ok lah. i wanna go back to my maths revision. time is precious. hmm. wait. i think i wanna go down n buy some snacks lah. then i continue my revision. haha. *so much for 'time is precious'* have fun mugging ppl of MI. *wink*

``Mat Jenin

its official.

i guess its now official. thanks for everything.

but i nvr stopped trying.

ps. i'll remember this very day.

``Mat Jenin

NUS

yday i went to study at NUS with hidayah fandy n hafiz. according to hafiz there's a first rule to follow when entering the campus. Talk like them, Act tlike them. *mcm paham betul kwn aku yg srg ni.* haha. aniwae. we went all the way to NUS cuz he says its much much much more conducive to study there. i guess he was right. it was damn conducive lah. *n damn eerie too.* yeah. it was so quiet. luckily there were somebody else on that floor where we're studying. if not. haiya. haha.

we studied STRICTLY physical geography. so long i nvr touched on that topic. now all my skills karat already. haiya. typical me lah kn. then fandy went to the toilet. like all alone. then he came back. u know what he came across? as he was in front of the mirror he heard somebody shout, "Shit!". but when he looked arnd and in the cubicles he realised he was the only one 1 in the toilet. gosh. scary lah kn. that's only in the male toilet. imagine if its in the female toilet. i think it'll shout, "Pee!" instead. haha. okok. lame. haha. as usual. my pictures are ur treats. here's some stupid pictures we took during our 5 min break from study. *ehem. more like 5 hours.*

Girls just love to camwhore.

Guess which shoe belongs to who =))Us otw back home. *hafiz n dayah lah aktuali.* me n fandy's specs. made in Japan. =)

ps. hafiz tkmo emo2 k. nnt makin byk kurap keluar. tk hensem. *wink*

``Mat Jenin

bogel!

check this out! i found some really funny videos from my dad's folder abt arab ppl. haha. its so funny i laughed till my head rolled of my neck. *gosh that's bad.* aniway, i'm so bored i can just strip n run arnd bogel. haha. oh yah. btw, Millennia Institute got through to the finals of Pesta Pantun. yay! haha. ok enough. back to the videos. enjoy!

ps. no hard feelings to all the arabians out there. u guys r so cute. haha.

``Mat Jenin

12 Hrs Time

omg omg omg. this is so shitty. i am so unprepared. ltr on in 12 hrs time, there's my pantun competition. aktuali they postponed it to nxt wk but then they re-shift the date back to today. like what the hell. n guess when i got to know abt it? just now at abt 3.30pm? gosh. now i'm so kelam kabut. i guess zul n rudin r too. ok now i cant sleep. tryina figure out what kind of pantuns i have to come out with. n fast. cuz i'm so so damn tired. haiya. i told u i hate pantuns. help me will ya? *rolls eyes* ok. if ur free come down n support my unprepared team. we promise we'll be entertaining. =D its at taman warisan hall. today. 2-4pm. n its free! haha. ok i gtg. find some more words i can use to describe myself other than pretty, sexy, beautiful, hot, gorgeous, cute, blah blah blah..... *winks*

``Mat Jenin

its difficult.

is it just me or is it u? i dont know. nowadays i feel very different towards u. i never felt this way before. i feel emotionally lost. u're the best person i've ever known. but suddenly ur gone. physically ur not. but emotionally u r. i dont know where to go when i have things up my mind. i feel its not right for me to go to u animore. is it me? maybe. is it u? perhaps. i know i've got great frens. ppl who r always there by my side. but they cant be compared to u. maybe its our environment. or maybe our the schedule. i dont know.

i know that u know i'm talking abt u. if not then maybe its just me. maybe i'm too busy. maybe i'm too selfish. i just want u for my own. but thats not gonna be fair for u. u have ur own life to rule. u've got ur own group of frens to mingle arnd with. n i have no right over who ever u want to be with. i know i'm not spending enough time with u. but i hope u understand. i've got so many things on my mind that sometimes i dont even have time for myself. its hard knowing that ur being loved more dearly by other ppl than i do. u deserve it and i'm sorry. i promise i wont bother u now. but i'd be more than happy if u ever need me at any point of time in ur life. i love u. so very dearly.

ur a part of me. its hard seeing u go by just like that.
i know its my fault. and i'm sorry.

``Mat Jenin