outdated

oak abe abe! HEE. ok lah. ni lah dia gmbr2 tu. sikit2 je k. got too many pictures too upload so i guess i'll just randomly select some and post it up. i'll upload the rest in my friendster profile yah. enjoyz! =P

``Mat Jenin

hee. i'm in PW class now. oh i just love my PW members!
CRYSTAL. HANDRY. GARLENG. NISHANTI.
I LOVE YOU GUYS A LOT!
STAY STRONG PPL! WE CAN DO IT!
I BELIEVE IN YOU GUYS OK?
muacks. =))

oak abe abe!

``Mat Jenin

2nd post

[01] Do you ever wonder what your last ex is up to?
; Yes. sometimes when i start to daydream.

[02] have u ever been given roses?
; Yes. by Ridaudin.

[03] What is your all-time favorite
romance movie?
; Mohabbatein. TITANIC.

[04] How many times have you honestly
fallen deeply in love?
; Once. including this one, twice. =)
[05] Do you believe that everyone has their soulmate?
; uhuh. definitely.

[06] What's your current problem?
; he's not comfortable with, AS YET.

07] Have you ever had your heart broken?
; Yep. loads of times.

[08] Had a Long Distance Relationship?
; once. and it doesnt work out. so i dont believe in it.

[09] Do you believe in this saying-
ONCE A CHEATER ALWAYS A CHEATER?
; now? no. last time? yes.

[10] Do you want to get married?
; Yes yes yes please! =D

[11] How many kids do you want to have?
; FIVE. or more? hee.

[12] What're your favorite colors?
; Hot Pink. Lime Green

[13] Who was the last person you held
hands with?
; Zulkifli.

[14] Do you believe in love at first
sight?
; Totally.

[16] At what age did you start noticing the opposite gender?
; When i was in Primary 4.

[17] Do you still like your ex?
; like? yes. love? i prefer not to disclose.

[18] Do you know someone who likes you?
; err.. i guess?

[19] Do you like anyone?
; i like a lot of ppl. hurhur.

[20] Do they know you like/love them?
; i think so. except for Taufik Batisah. =P

[21] Would you kiss someone?
; Only if i truly love that someone.

(22) Whats your status?
; ATTACHED. && LOVING IT.

``Mat Jenin

haiya

oak abe abe!
haiya haiya. so long nvr update. haha. been very bz lately. particularly with PW. thank god. my pw drama has ended. n it was indeed a success. thanks to the cast : ATIKA, Zul, Fafa n Handry. i love u guys so much. without u guys i dont know how my PW group's drama wil turn out. =)) ok let's see. woah. too many things to say lah. so many things have been going on. too many pictures to upload. tk tergh-larghat dhen nok upload ni ha... *ape sey tu?* haha. whatever. ok just bits here n there lah k.

on 6th oct my beloved frens had a bdae surprise for me. it was 'wonderful'. keke. so many 'nicee' bdae presents. but the best part was, my MBF wrote n sang a song specially for me. aww. so sweet. sayang kau lah abang kurps. =P

on the 11 oct as i posted, we sastera mates went for a raya outing it was SUPER fun. no hassle. it was simply enjoyable. thnx eh ppl. u really made the day the most memorable outing ever.

on the 15 oct. we got our promotional status. alhamdulillah. i managed to pull thru. to those of u who have to leave us i just wanna say that this is not the end of the world. maybe there are better opportunities for u ppl out there. maybe u'll be more successful then us MIllennias one day. who knows? =) oh yes. this day is ZEE MOST special day because we managed to get my MBF to go up on stage n dance! hah! how exactly we do that? we sabotaged him! keke. cute or what sia? =)) wanna watch? go to youtube. USOP MILLENNIA. hee. opps. =O

on the 17 oct my PW grp carried out their drama skit abt maid abuse. it was a success as i;'ve mentioned. thnx to my talented cast. i dont know what to do without u guys. n to atika. so sorry that u got hurt in the process. hee. that's what we call hardiness and determination. =))

yesteday. my PW grp n amirah's PW grp went to rp to finish up our OP slides. from morning till night. we did our work. we gossipped. we flared. it was fun. so much things i didnt know. esp abt YOU. Ms A.Y. hmm.

i guess i'm done. i'm supposed to do something else but instead i sat in front of this computer blogging. wth. haha. ok lah. i gtg. see u guys somewhere someday sometime. soon. hee. OAK ABE ABE!

ps. thnx atika. for the info u gave me.
it really helped. now i know who's 'polluter'.
dasar betina.
hurhur.

``Mat Jenin

raya outing

oak abe abe!
yday was SUPER DE DUPER fun! i went on a raya outing with my sastera peeps *along with their ehems* and i can tell u its the best and syncronised raya outing i've ever been to. everybody were so colourful. hee. we went to a total of 8 houses in total approx. we took arnd 12 hrs i think? haha. went to hidayah golek's hse and she gave a surprise bday cake to her ehem. aww. so sweet. den we went to cg's house den hafiz usop den fandy den me den amirah den hafiz rawal den fuad and lastly hayati. haha. ok let's count. ok sorry. ada 9 hse total. haha. i tell u amirah's hse was the most memorable hse i went to. she's got a SUPER cute ragdoll cat! so fluffy so CUTE! the best part is, my MATHSBF is afraid of cats. haha. u put someone who is afraid of cats in a hse with a cat and what happens? shit happens. hahaha. he went to the extend of clinging on top of handry when the cat is running arnd the house. buruk ke pe sop? haha. hafiz rawal's hse on the other hand reminded me of alice in wonderland. the whole hse was so... Disney. hahaha. seriously. if we had the time i would really had wanted to stay for longer. but yeah. its the time factor.

at the end of the day, we went headed to our last stop at Eunos, rumah hayati, paid the bus driver since we wont be uising his services anymore for the day. everything arnd that area was so classic except for the fact that all over the place were scuttering cockroaches. yes i said COCKROACHES. my frens walked straight to the lift but i zig-zagged all the way trying to avoid the sight of those filthy creatures. what do u expect? lipas siak. geli ke pe. den at 1140 we left hayati's hse n headed for eunos mrt BUT it turns out to be we missed the last train. damn. we thought of taking the 67 bus to cck mrt but it already ended at the eunos bus int. so we had to go to the opposite direction outside of the int. the most silliest thing is. hafiz made us run in heels! wth. particularly amirah n me. we're wearing heels of how many inches n we ran! style ke pe. haha. skali we got to know that we chased after the wrong bus. siak ah fiz. grr. he's gonna pay for what he did to my heels. i mean OUR heels. haha. in the end we went our separate ways. hafiz amirah zul n me took 67 to cck and the rest took 61 to bb. despite all the hiccups of yday's outing, i never felt happier. maybe due to the fact that missed raya outing so much, or becuz i get to spend more than 12 hrs with lahling. hee. sorry no pictures cuz my dear amirah havnt gotten the chance to upload it as yet. so yeah. i'll upload it as soon as she send it to me yah? btw. I LOVE U GUYS. THANKS FOR MAKING ME FEEL SUPER HAPPY. YDAY WILL BE A DAY THAT I WILL ALWAYS CHERISH. I LOOK FORWARD TO SEEING U GUYS AGAIN. lovees~ ok done. gotta rush. going to seranggon plaza today. PW matters. sheesh.

oak abe abe! hee.

btw. lahling look awesome. mcm extra cute gitu kn.
and to my MATHSBF. u looked SUPER hot. sayang kau sgt2. =))

``Mat Jenin

let me repost whatever i blogged abt.

Friday, September 19, 2008
currently i'm in school. just finished my sastera paper just now. it was f*cking hard. i swear. ok dah. no hope already. to all my year ones i think i'll meet u guys next year yah. =)). ok now for the serious part.i just saw her blog just now. n now i am feelin SUPER bad. SUPER guilty. i dont know why. i think because i'm in the wrong i guess? hello. yan. like OBVIOUSLY u're in the wrong. then who else? him? no right? gosh. i swear i never felt this way before. its like u're trampling on someone's dreams just to get on top of urs. f*ck lah kn. dah lah yan. u r SUPER bitchy siak. come on. dont be SUPER selfish. think of others can? for once lah yan. THINK OF OTHERS.ok dah. i'm tired. tired of all this SHIT. i've had enough. i dont care animore. i wanna stop thinking abt stupid shits alreadi. SUPER stupid shits.
period.

Thursday, September 18, 2008
i feel bad. very very bad. am i doing the right thing? am i doing something that i am NOT supposed to do? why is everybody asking me so much qns? is it my fault? i dont know. its not that i want to do this. its not that i asked for this stupid shit. it just happens.
today's incident made me wake up. it made me wake up to the fact that i'm being selfish. i'm being cruel. i'm being a hypocrite. n his decision is not helping. i'm a girl. n i understand how she should feel. because i felt it before.
damn u lah izyan.
i dont want to hurt other ppl. but if i dont, it will be to the expense of hurting myself. so which will it be izyan? others or yourself? its hard. and its UNFAIR. be it for me or for them both. i want this shit. really really badly. but i dont know if i am asking for something that is worth it. again i'm telling. i dont want to hurt other ppl. esp if they had nvr done anything wrong to me. shit. i just hate dilemmas.
boy, i soo need your help. i soo need your comfort.
i soo need your shoulders. pls dont leave me this way.
this feeling just utterly sucks.
you know i didnt ask for it right?
you know our situation right?
you know how hard this is for the both of us right?
pls tell me you do.
because i soo need YOU.

hmm. whatever u are doing shows how much u understood whatever i posted lah. can i just ask something? whatever u state at ur blog, is it stated by me? NO. its stated by a fren of mine who happens to pass by n gives her own point of view. n not me. yang terlibat dlm ni adalah saye zul dan amirah. tp knp yg lain sibuk2 ye? oh. kepo agknye. hee. ok lah. kasi chance lah kt krg. mcm deprived pulak kalau awk smua tk dpt luahkn perasaan terhadap saye. sile lah sile. kerana walau apa pun saye tau by 10 yrs down the road awk smua dah boleh berfikir dah sedar yg ape2 yg krg buat ni membosankn. so nnt pandai2 lah krg diam sendiri ye. saye byk lg hal penting yg boleh saye buat. i will keep this blog public as long as i can take it lah. if not i think i'll make it private so that u 'penyokong2' setia will not be able to interfere in my life. oh yes btw. awk nk lelong blog saye ye. hmm. kalau gitu saye pun nk lah lelong blog awk. =)))
OAK ABE ABE!

``Mat Jenin

haiya. wa punyia blog sulah jati maciam itu kapal pilang!!! cho meng ah...! phang wo ah...! aiyo. korang2 ni eh. dah tkde kerja lain ke? kn tgh hari raya ni. tlg lah mak kt rumah buat ketupat ke ape ke kn lg mulia.. ni tk. duduk dpn comp spam2 blog orang. itu pon boleh gembira kah? haha. dah lah. saye tau ape salah saye. saye tau ape salah MATAIR saye dan awak puan amira roslan patut tau salah awak jugak ye. perampas pun perampas lah. janji happy? ada betul? ye saye. mmg saye bahagia sekali. teramat bahagia sekali dgn kehidupan baru yg saye jalani ni. but then it would be better without the presence of u guys lah. 'penyokong2' saye yg sudi mengambil berat ttg ape segala yg saye ingin lakukn dlm hidup saye. terima kasih lah ye tp saye ni sebenarnye dah cukup perhatian. jd saye suggest awk berilah perhatian2 awk yg tidak diperlukn di sini kepada yg lebih memerlukan seperti rumah anak2 yatim ke rumah orang2 tua ke ye tk? oh oh. maksud saye 'penyokong2' setia adalah orang2 yg sudi mengikuti kursus hidup saye dan mengkritik segala kesalahan saye. dgn mengkritik saye awk telah menjadikn saye seorang manusia yg lebih berwaspada dan lebih baik dari yg ini. ok dah. saye nk pegi romen2. jgn kepo ye. haha. OAK ABE ABE!

``Mat Jenin

ramblings.

OAK ABE ABE!

so much for my later on in the day. its already a new day. haha. n i'm not asleep yet. why? i dont know. not sleepy i guess. at last. i've settled my WR articles n now the only thing that needs to be done is to send it to my dear crystal. and handry. if i get to meet u, u r soo gonna get it from me. just be prepared. grr.

just now when i came back from the  library, there was nobody at home. i'm left alone. again. *apadah* so from that afternoon till night [excluding the i-dont-know-how-many-times-we-hung-up-on-each-other calls. =P] i chatted on the phone with lahling. n since i cant upload pictures to my comp due to some technical fault, i got lahling to upload it and send it to my email. aww. *sanggup awk ye? maceh.* 

although my research is done, there are stilll a whole lot of things that needs to be settled. gosh. u wouldnt wanna know what are the things that i have yet to settle. all i've been doing lately is delay. delay. delay. postpone. postpone. postpone. aduh. come on yan. FORCE OI. FORCE. i seriously need to follow STRICTLY to my planned timetable man. if not. sheesh.

btw. thnx aini chic'lil. awk lah org pertama yg msg saye. saye tk menyangka. =)) dan hayati. saye syg awk jugak walaupun org kata muke awk mcm ostrich ke awk anak keling ke ape ke. saye tk kisah. kekekeke. and to all others that wished me, thank u so much. i love u guys to the core man. i swear. teehee. oh oh. before i forget. zaidah! thnx for lending me ur lappie. that is by far the greatest favour anyone had ever done for me. i love u a whole lot! *hugs* ok. i'm done with the talking. now i'm off to do the dozing. ZASSSSSSS!

``Mat Jenin

stuck

oak abe abe!

i'm drained. SUPER drained. currently i'm with YB lahling *kn awk kn?* at mac doing my WR research. haiya. SUPER leceh siak. i know what i'm supposed to do but the thing is i doont know what kind of articles to focus on. i called wijayasukarno but he nvr pick up. still sleeping i guess. haha. i called crystal but she's not at home. hmm. now i'm stuck with someone who dont even know a thing abt PW and i dont know what to do. blah blah blah. ok ah. saye lapar. nk gi makan. i'll update soon. ltr on in the day. oak abe abe!

``Mat Jenin

random

oak abe abe!

i was late for sch today. i woke up at approximately 7.59am. wth. i called lahling for 'only-god-knows-how-many' times but he didnt pick up. so i thought he was waiting for me at the usual. therefore i panicked n rushed to get ready. when suddenly. he called. still SUPER groggy. haha. so i know he just woke up also. phew. anw. nevertheless i still went to sch, went for maths lesson. and maths lesson only. then went for consultation with ms huang. after that. went to do some grocery shopping, ate, and went home. now i'm sitting in front of somebody's comp n blogging. teehee.

i wanna go raye. but there's so many things to do. but i have soo little time. now i'm left with 2 choices. either i do it or i go up to the umpteenth storey of a building, throw down all my notes and to-dos and try to chase for it by jumping down the building. my decision: do it. *like duh* aduh. it hurts more when i list out all the things that needs to be done. *dah mcm nk gi perang ade plan2 terperinci ni smua. rabak pe yan.* its ok. FORCE OI. FORCE. hee. i'm starting to miss MCS already. i miss drama. i miss acting. i miss their craziness. if only i could stop time. hmms. ok now i wanna go do out my final draft of my EOM. *ini anak tak habis2 dgn EOM dier.* send and i''m done.

oh oh. on a random note. my maths best friend is in LOOVE. hee. i know u know everybody know. dah dah. tkmo hide. feel the love. savour the love. i'm telling u its nicee. trust me on this will ya? oak abe abe!

``Mat Jenin

official

oak abe abe!

Today marks the end of Ramadhan and the start of Syawal, therefore i would like to take this oppurtunity to wish everyone SELAMAT HARI RAYA! kalau lah ada salah dan silap saya ataupun mungkin saya ada pernah terkasar bahasa atau laku, saya menyusun sepuluh jari memohon ampun kerana sesungguhnya saya tidak pernah berniat untuk melukakn hati mana2 pihak. terutama sekali kwn2 yg rapat dgn saya. oleh dari itu sekali lagi saya mengucapkan SELAMAT HARI RAYA MAAF ZAHIR DAN BATIN!

OOH OOH. BTW. ITS OFFICIAL BABY. IT'S AREADY OFFICIAL. =))

``Mat Jenin

i'm not ok.

these few days have been super sucky except for the fact that i had iftar on friday. somebody have been going around posing as me. and it is soo NOT funny. this poser particularly target at this particular blog at the most particular sensitive peak of time. and poser, if ur reading this i think u shud just retire from this stupid act of urs. go dig ur ass for other means of entertaining or satisfying urself. still dont know how? den i suggest u jump down from the umpteenth floor for all i care. i am soo not intimidated by u lah kn. if u r a guy that means u have no balls which means ur just a pathetic idiotic jerk that shudnt be entertained. if u r a girl then that means u r NOT a girl. u cant even come up to me n say u dont like me. or perhaps dont like the fact that i'm FUCKING happy with my beloved. get this clear in ur head. I WILL STILL LOVE HIM NO MATTER WHAT AND THERE IS NOTHING U CAN DO ABT IT. shithead. i dont know why these ppl just have to do these shitty stuff. well. i guess i'm just too popular or too perfect that some ppl just have to take advantage of every minor chances that they see to bring me down. fyi the more u do this, the more honoured i feel, the more higher i go. dumb dumb. and to ami. pls lah. i did not steal ur boyfren ok. n i did not TAG u. as if i got nothing better to do rather than get involved in ur life. the way u react at things totally proves how much u needed him in ur life. so dont make it look as if ur one big fuck and that u stood up for him in any way. firstly i thought i'd be feeling super guilty for the rest of my life. but now. i think that this may be the best decision i've made in my entire life as yet. u soo shud learn ur lesson. if not this will keep repeating itself n i will assure u not even the best of frens can make up for it. i bet he did tell u that its not me. but if u still think that its me then its up to u. a piece of advice: dont try me. i can be the most lenient girl there is on earth but when it comes to business i can make ur life as miserable as hell to the extent that u'd be feeling sorry that u'd ever known me. so pls. think before u even come to any conclusion. because i hate having enemies. period.

lahling. i'm sorry. i still wanna be with u though.

``Mat Jenin

hari raya preparations

today was fun. during sastera class we were assigned to decorate certain areas of the school with Hari Raya decorations by Cg Rasiah. so we divided the class into 2. half of them went to decorate the front of the general office while the other half of us stayed in class to stick those envelopes toegether so that we can hang em up. so yeah. we stapled n stapled and stapled n we're done. when suddenly somebody amongst us suggested, "eh korang! ape kate kite buat ucapan hari raya?" n i thought it was a great idea! haha. just take a look at the videos at the end of the post yah. the longer one is the second try. i thought the song was a bit too loud. tell me which one u guys prefer cuz i wanna send the better one to mediacorp. hee! nevertheless i had FUN! =)

ok den after sastera we had mgt. they went thru the ans n then we had our 4 periods of break. dah boring. tk tau ape nk buat, i decided to go to the o hub. stared in front of the comp until my eyes hurt n then slept during the last break period before heading off to PE. *aduh. dah puase. panas terik pulak tu.* we were told to run 4 rounds then we are free to play our games. after PE is actually the climax of my day. me n other sastera ppl sat by the carpark curb by the stadium n sang hari raya songs. haha. *terase kejap suasane raye ye tk?* keke. i had fun lah. thnx eh korang! =) for a moment there i didnt feel thirsty or hungry. after that met lahling who waited for me *aww so sweet.* n we headed back home. now. i'm sitting in front of the comp again checking my inbox. so many matters for me to handle n settle. alright i think i'll stop for now. i'll update soon. oh yah. here's the videos. enjoy. ZASSSS!

``Mat Jenin

in sch.

right now, i'm actually in the school's library. i just finished my MCS meeting abt an hr ago. then i borrowed nizar's laptop. n i'm currently using it. hee. during the meeting just nw, we talked and discussed abt impt issues n matters. gosh. i didnt know there's so many thngs to be done in so little time. luckily the work load tallies with the number of members we have. that is if i consider everyone as somebody whom i can trust and depend on. hmm. i dont wanna mention names but i just feel that ppl are just not doing their part. no matter how many times ppl try to talk to them they just still remained the same. its hard esp knowing that i love them to the core. haiya. manyak susah lah tu.

i was doing my maths revision abt 10 mins ago when i decided to blog. particularly abt.. nothing at all. haha. pathetic kn? no lah. actually i was so freaking attracted to nizar's lappie lah. the espresso black colour makes me drool. hee. it looks like cappuccino coffee to me. =)) gonna break fast outside because i'm staying for night study. most probably with hafiz handry n lahling.

eh eh. hold on eh.

................................................

................................................

................................................

................................................

k dah. i took some pictures of us in the library. my lahling is obviously stressed out with the heavy work load that he has to get done before the exams. kn abang? hahaha. saya dah habis exam. awak bile pulak? kekeke. ooh ooh. n i managed to get lahling's timetable. look at what he did. typical kedi-ak. =))

ps. grr. i so hate u lah lahling. kediak. ish. siak. sundet.

``Mat Jenin

them.

dear fafa.
i envy ur strength in going thru whatever shit that happens to u every single time. i hope u can just stay strong n just wait. i know u'll be able to pull thru. dont lie to urself. be true n honest abt ur feelings n everything's going to turn out right. u will be happy then. i know u can do it, gerl. fyi i'll always be there for u if ever u need me. aku sayang kau tau.

dear hidayah.
ur willingness to hold on even though thru all these times has made me look up to u one notch higher. u've been thru harder times n i believe that this time u can hold on also. maybe u just need time. time to think n reflect abt ur actions. ur decisions. i understand. but i just want u to know one thing. i will now n forever be beside u to see u thru ur hard times. and thats because i love u. no matter what, i'll try to do anything to help u out of ur messy situation. dont give up darl. cuz u know u'll be at the losing end if u do. n pls. dont do decision when ur in a confused state of mind. u know it's wrong don't u?

``Mat Jenin

MUNA

omg. thnx to MUNA my blog is working again. gosh. i spent the past 70 yrs of my life tryina figure out the prob siak. n now it's solved! thanks to... MUNA! ish. sayang kau hardcore ah babe. wa caya sama lu ah, computer freak. keke. ok dah. i want to hit the publish button now. ZASSSSS!

``Mat Jenin

baby

look look! i namaged to this video of mishary from my daddy's fone. in this one, he's laughing. i didnt know he was ticklish. i made him laugh tau. keke. he's cute lah. ok dah. korang2 tgk k. i promise. very very cute. like me. =P

ps. i just loove this baby boy. =))

``Mat Jenin

bosan

ok. saye sebenarnya bosan ni sekarang. jadi saye membuat keputusan untuk 'blog'. ok. gmbr yang di atas tu saye letak atas dasar suke2 saje jadi awak jgn lah tanye kenape ye. mungkin sbb gmbr ni mcm ala2 klasik kot. sbb tu saye suke. *whats with the language man?*

ok. just now i went to the meeting at btcc. it was enriching. our grp's mentor was SUPER cool lah. so creative n so merepek. to the extend that my grp members got too carried away. haha. then after the meeting, i went to meet up with ex hubby. *siak ah. got nothing better to do ah?* talked for a while. reminiscing old times. though i feel TOTALLY awkward but it felt good. i dont know why. do you? hee. *winks*

i dont know eh. i'm missing u so much sey. *padahal baru td jumpe eh? haha.* i knew i have fallen for u a loooooong time ago but this feeling that i have right now is just... different. i just feel that miss u. n as i know it, MISSING will eventually lead to LOVING. woah. love is a VERY big word. its easier said than done. n i dont want u to love me just because i love u. i want u to love me out of ur own accord. n now i realised. its just a little bit more. a teeny weeny bit more n cupid will strike me. i know.

ps. aku rindu banget deh ama lahling ku.
tapi aku nggak tau kanapa.
kira-kira kanapa yei?
aduh. aku buntu sih.
semuanya pasti karna kamu wahei lahling.

``Mat Jenin

ouch

currently i'm in school. just finished my sastera paper just now. it was f*cking hard. i swear. ok dah. no hope already. to all my year ones i think i'll meet u guys next year yah. =)). ok now for the serious part.
i just saw her blog just now. n now i am feelin SUPER bad. SUPER guilty. i dont know why. i think because i'm in the wrong i guess? hello. yan. like OBVIOUSLY u're in the wrong. then who else? him? no right? gosh. i swear i never felt this way before. its like u're trampling on someone's dreams just to get on top of urs. f*ck lah kn. dah lah yan. u r SUPER bitchy siak. come on. dont be SUPER selfish. think of others can? for once lah yan. THINK OF OTHERS.
ok dah. i'm tired. tired of all this SHIT. i've had enough. i dont care animore. i wanna stop thinking abt stupid shits alreadi. SUPER stupid shits.

period.

``Mat Jenin

bad.

i feel bad. very very bad. am i doing the right thing? am i doing something that i am NOT supposed to do? why is everybody asking me so much qns? is it my fault? i dont know. its not that i want to do this. its not that i asked for this stupid shit. it just happens.

today's incident made me wake up. it made me wake up to the fact that i'm being selfish. i'm being cruel. i'm being a hypocrite. n his decision is not helping. i'm a girl. n i understand how she should feel. because i felt it before.

damn u lah izyan.

i dont want to hurt other ppl. but if i dont, it will be to the expense of hurting myself. so which will it be izyan? others or yourself? its hard. and its UNFAIR. be it for me or for them both. i want this shit. really really badly. but i dont know if i am asking for something that is worth it. again i'm telling. i dont want to hurt other ppl. esp if they had nvr done anything wrong to me. shit. i just hate dilemmas.

boy, i soo need your help. i soo need your comfort.

i soo need your shoulders. pls dont leave me this way.

this feeling just utterly sucks.

you know i didnt ask for it right?

you know our situation right?

you know how hard this is for the both of us right?

pls tell me you do.

because i soo need YOU.

``Mat Jenin

feelings.

ex hubby msged me just now. i dont know why but he sounds mad. like really mad. and i wonder why. i dont know. he said he did move on. he said his current GF is far better than me. he said his life is better off without my presence. but in the end he still admitted that he's not happy with me. n he doesnt answer me when i asked why. i dont know. because of this i am becoming more unsure of my own feelings. it SCARES me ok. he said he wants to talk things out with me. what 'things'?
we already took our separate paths bi. u moved on already. now please. allow me to move on also. dont hinder the feelings that i'm having for somebody else. the more u do this the more u r hurting urself. the more it makes u feel that moving on is not the right decision afterall. but i know the best thing for us right now is to stay away from each other. so be it. perhaps ur pretendence is the best medicine afterall. especially for the current situation that we r in right now. fyi i dont wish to know the truth. or whatever that u think i'm doing wrong. if u want my assurance then just tell me. u can be rest assured that i am almost settling down with my life. and when i do u can be certain that i will never bring up the past anymore. even if u provoke me. but right now the best thing to do is for YOU to settle down n not try to poke ur nose in my life issues anymore. because u know damn well that it will NOT make u feel any better. definitely. is it so hard for u to just let me love someone else? i just dont get it. seriously.

``Mat Jenin

TEN

TEN THINGS ABOUT ME
1. Are you single?
Yes.
2. Are you happy about that?
Quite.
3. Are you bored?
Nope.
4. Are you sad?
No.
5. Are you Italian?
NO. I’m Zimbabwean.
6. Are you plastic?
No. I’m meat. Teehee.
8. Are you cool?
No. I’m HOT. =P
9. Are you chinese?
Na’ah.
10.What are you?
A pretty monkey.

TEN FACTS
1. Initials – NIR [Nur Izyan Razalee]
2. Nicknames – Jenin, Scoop, Berok.
3. Birth place - Kandang Kerbau Hospital
4. Hair color – Jet Black.
5. Age – 17 ++
6. Eye color – Brown.
7. Birthday - 5 Oct 90.
8. Mood – Anxious. [exams lah dei!]
9. Favorite color – Pink.
10. Left or right handed –Right.

TEN THIS OR THAT?
1. Love or money ? – can I have BOTH?
2. Hard liquor or beer? – Soya Bean.
3. Cats or dogs? – Cats. [dogs eh? hmm. ehem.]
4. A few best friends or many regular friends? – A few bestfriends.
5. Television or Internet? – Internet.
6. Pepsi or Coke? – Soya Bean.
7. Wild night out or romantic night? – Romantic night.
8. Money or Happiness? – Happiness.
9. Night or day? – Night.
10.IM or phone? – Phone.

TEN PREFERENCES IN A RELATIONSHIP
1. Smile or eyes – Eyes.
2. Light or dark hair – Dark.
3. hugs or kisses – Hugs. N kisses. Hee.
4. Intelligence or attraction?- Both.
5. Hook-up or relationship – Relationship. but being in between is not bad either. =P
6. Trust or love? – w/o trust there’s no love.
7. Long distance or close? – Close.
8. Call or text? – Call. Actually, meeting is better.
9. Older or younger? – Older.
10.Looks or Personality – Personality.

TEN LAST
1. Last phone call you made – Handry.
2. Last phone call you received – Mummy.
3. Last person/people you hung out with? – Lahling.
4. Last person to text you – Lahling
5. Last person you tickled? – Hafiz.
6. Last person you danced with? – Abg Nizam.
7. Last person you hugged? – Muna
8. Last person you slept with? – Mishary.
9. Last person you laughed with? – Zati.
10. Last person you kissed? – ooh. I’m not telling.

``Mat Jenin

random2

MY SECOND NOT-SO-DEEP SECRETS.

1) What's his/her full name?
~ Zulkifli Hasan

2) Does he or she have a bf/gf?
~ Err. Yes. But its not me. *YIKES*

3) Do you know a secret about him/her?
~ yes. A lot but not all.

4) How old is the person?
~ 18

5) Has he/she ever cooked for you?
~ No.

6) Is this person older than you?
~ No. the same age.

8) When was the last time you thought
about him/her?
~ 1 sec ago.

9) How are you related to this person?
~ I don’t know. Bf to be?

10) Are you really close to him/her?
~ VERY VERY close.

11) Do you have a nickname for each
other?
~ yes yes yes!

13)How many times do you talk to this
person in a week?
~ Everyday.

14) Do you think she/he will repost
this?
~ No.

15) Could you live with this
person?
~ I realli hope so.

16) Why is this person your number 1?
~ because he understands me more than other guys do.

18) How long have you known this
person?
~ Ever since march this year.

19) Have you ever been to the mall
with this person?
~ Yeap.

20) Have you ever had a sleep over with
them?
~ err. Camp?

21) If you ever moved away would you
miss this person?
~ TRULY.

22) Have you ever given this person
something?
~ umm. Yes I think.

23) Have you ever done something
really stupid or illegal with this
person?
~ hmm. Yes.

24) Do you know everything about this
person?
~ not everything.

25) Would you date this person's
siblings?
~ he has none. Haha.

27) Do you miss him/her?
~ a lot.

28) Have you fought before?
~ no. not as yet.

29) Have you gone skinny dipping with
this person?
~ no. and never.

30) Does this person have a fetish?
~ I don’t know.

31) Is she/he on drugs?
~ No.

32) Do you know this person's shoe
size?
~ yes I guess.

33) Have you ever worn this person's
clothes?
~ yes.

34) Have you and this person made
up a hand shake?
~ no.

35) If it was "freaky friday" would
you switch bodies with this person?
~ NEVER!

36) Has this person ever seen you
dance?
~ yes. During drama.

37) Have you ever heard this person
sing?
~ yes. Its ugly.

39) Do you know this persons
friendster password?
~ nope.

40) Do you know this persons best
friend?
~ yes. But not close.

41) Have you and this person ever
gotten into a fight that lasted more
than 2 days?
~ no.

42) Does this person cry alot?
~ no. he’s not emotional.

43)Have you met any of this person's
family?
~ yes.

44) Have you and this person went
clubbing?
~ no. him? Clubbing? Haha.

45) Do you know how to make this
person feel happy?
~ I think so.

46) Do you and this person talk a lot?
~ yeah. Too much I guess.

47) Have you licked this person?
~ haha.

48)Have this person ever yelled at you?
~ no. I yelled at him.

49) Have you and this person got into
a fist fight?
~ no.

50) Do you love this person?
~ TRULY.

MCS

yesterday i went to the first MCS meeting with abg mok and the rest to talk abt the next Awang Belanga production. n i didnt know it would be of such tedious work. how i wish we still have seniors to help us. but no. we dont. hmm. its ok. i know we can do it ppl. i trust u guys a lot. esp HAYATI AND ZULKIFLI. let's try our best to make this forth production a success like the previous years. oh yah btw, do take note.

TO ALL MCS MEMBERS.

There will be a meeting on the 24th of Sept straight after school outside the staffroom. It is COMPULSARY and I want full attendence on that day. Anyone who is not present without any valid reason acknowledged will be dealt with, personally by Cikgu M. Do keep up with the MCS blog for the latest info on upcoming events. Please spread out the message to every member. Thank you.

ok done. enough of MCS. now my promos. i seriously think that i will not be able to make it to year 3 next year. no i have not given up. its only that i truly lack of my self confidence. i dont know where it went. i am trying my best and giving it my all. i just hope whatever i did will pay off. hmm. 4 papers down. 3 to go. this monday. MOB n GEOG. haiya. ok lah. i know. i should be studying. n i will. like right now. oh dang. ok but before i go i wanna fulfill lahlings request. he asked me to post up this picture of his in my blog. ye tau. mmg muke tk tau malu. haha. there u have it. happy abg? =P fyi this is taken yesterday after meeting. we were at mcdonald's.

*we go for buke samer2. =))*

``Mat Jenin

Random.

MY NOT-SO-DEEP-SECRETS. Hush.

Who was your last text from?
♥ Lahling - Zulkifli
Your relationship status?
♥ Single. - i guess.
Does your crush like you back?
♥ err. no?
What is your current mood?
♥ Bored.
Whats your brothers name?
♥ Tasnim. Mishary.
Whats your favorite color?
♥ HotPink. LimeGreen.
Have a crazy side?
♥ You wont want to know. =)
Ever had a near death experience ?
♥ Nearly got hit by a moving van while chasing for the bus. with dayah. =P
Something you do alot?
♥ Laugh.
Angry at anyone?
♥ Yes.
Do you wanna see somebody right now?
♥ Hell Yeah!
When is the last time you cried?
♥ Yesterday.
Who would you do anything for?
♥ Someone only i shall know.
What is the one thing you notice about the opposite sex first?
♥ His smile. His skin colour.
Where's your ex at and what are they doing?
♥ I hope he's in HELL. perhaps he's screaming for his life right now.
Do you still watch kiddy movies or tv shows?
♥ teehee.
What are you eating or drinking at the moment?
♥ Nothing. i'm fasting. =)
Do you speak any other languages?
♥ English. Malay. Singlish - i am SOO good at it!. Zimbabwean.
How much money is in your wallet?
♥ $16.10
Describe your life in one word?
♥ Tough.
What are you thinking about right now?
♥ MCS meeting with Abg Mok later on.
What should you be doing right now?
♥ Take a shower. *smiles*
What was your favourite moment?
♥ When i got to know he loved me back. =))
Who was the last person you told I love you to?
♥ Lahling. shhhhhh.
Who was the last person who yelled at you?
♥ Mummy and Daddy.
Do you act differently around the person you like?
♥ Uhuh.
What is your natural hair color ?
♥ Black.
Who was the last person to make you smile?
♥ Hafiz.

``Mat Jenin

its late

its late. i know. but i cant sleep. why? because i gambled my maths. now i'm forcing myself not to give up on that subject. i am soo trying my best to do whatever i can, the very least refresh my memory on whatever i had done this past yr. i've been doing this for the past few hours n if its not because of lahling, i think i would be sleeping under the study table by now. haha. now he's asleep n i have to stay up for another hour to wake him up. he hasnt done his MT project u see. so yeah. a tip for a tap. well. i dont mind actually. =) aniwae. amirah reminded me. today is 100908. another special day to do something special for ur loved ones. pls do. because this day will only come once in ur entire lifetime. happy 100908 ppl! have a nice day ahead. oh yah btw. good luck for ur exams tmrw, Millennians. i mean today. like in 7 hrs time? damn.

``Mat Jenin

080908

today is soo super special. i just received a msg from someone after i reached home.

It reads:

"Lahling ah. Happy 080908 ah.

Wa sipatutnya bikin something spesial untuk lu ah.

tp wa lupa."

hees. i'm not telling u who this is from. hehe. just wanna blog cuz today's date is nicee. 080908. kn kn kn? ok dah. i wanna mug. for geog. *potong stim betul ah* =)) lovees~

ps. superSWEET lah u.

``Mat Jenin

mugging

hello. i've been mugging this week n my brain is so drained. AND this is just for MOB mind u. gosh. how am i going to make it out from this year SAFELY [u know. like get promoted or something.] grr. stressed out sey. i just came back from library. i went out to study with lahling. luckily he want to teman me. if not i think i also dont want to study. haha. ok. now i buka alreadi. now what? oh yeah. STUDY. again. ish. *boring nye!* nevermind. ok ppl. i wanna log out. i wanna sign out. i wanna go all out. to all my dear Millennians, esp to the preU twos, all the best of luck. i hope to see u guys again nxt year. happy mugging. =)

ps. to fafa n **ee, i wish u guys all the best.

u guys will look so cute together. amin. *winks*

``Mat Jenin

grr

ish. geram nye saya. nak diikutkan hati, dah lama saya tembak awak sampai mati. *bedek sey. tk lah teruk gitu.* awak ni menyusahkan hidup saya tau tk? dah lah tk nak usaha jaga dia. tp awak yang dpt dia. ini tidak adil! tidak adil sama sekali! saya yang susah payah jaga hati dia, senang2 awak simpan dia dalam genggaman awak. awak punya pasal lah saya tergantung tak bertali macam gini. kalau awak dah tk sayang dia tu sudah lah. biar orang lain yang sayangkan dia untuk awak. tak perlu nak ucapkan sayang tapi padahal dalam hati awak ucapkan lain. saya tak kira. saya nak jugak. saya tak peduli. awak kalau tk reti nak jaga dia, bair saya yang jaga dia. awak pergi lah kat apa2 yang awak rasa lagi penting. ye? tapi jangan nak salahkan saya kalau apa2 jd pada awak berdua ye. saya cuma jalankan apa yang saya rasa patut atau PENTING untuk diri saya. sekali lagi saya tekankan disini bahawa saya yang nak usaha untuk jaga dia jadi tk perlu lah awak risau ye. saya rasa dia pun berperasaan begitu. saya rasa lah. =)

ps. oh ye. saya lupa nak bilang.
saya tk suka kongsi-kongsi sesuatu yang saya rasa terlalu berharga bagi diri saya, dgn orang lain.

``Mat Jenin

credits to hidee~

Baby I know when we started out there were things you didn't know

but baby girl we got a lotta things we need to discuss

I know I'm asking for a lot, but just trust

You say that things gettin old sneakin' round creepin' and love on the low

but baby girl I can't wait till' it's officially us

I can't wait to let them know about us.

First I thought that I could take you boy but I don't know,

you told me you were gonna leave her for me long ago.

Eventually I will but I just gotta take it slow don't wanna break her heart,

although I gotta let her go so baby..

So please don't say you wanna give up

How do I tell her that I'm fallen in love

and I know your waiting patiently for that day

when we no longer have to lie about us

When I walk around all I want is your touch

and when you call me I don't wanna hang up

and I know I say it often but

I can't wait Till' we no longer have to lie about us.

Baby I know situation don't seem fair to us both

but babygirl, she's an issue that I'm bout to adjust

Don't mistake our love is meant for just us

you are my soul, mind, body, spirit all that I know

but babygirl I can't wait till' it's officially us

I can't wait to tell the world about us.

First I thought that I could take you boy but i don't know

you told you were gonna leave her for me long ago.

Eventually I will but I just gotta take it slow don't wanna break her heart although

I gotta let her go so baby..

Baby won't you wait just a little bit,

just a little bit, just a little bit longer, longer

Just a little bit just a little bit just a little bit longer longer

(won't you wait) just a little bit Just a little bit just a little bit longer longer

just a little bit just a little bit just a little bit longer longer.

ps.i just love this song. and dont ask me why.

``Mat Jenin

right.

ok. today i am NOT going to study at school. i am studying OUTSIDE. finally my day turn out right. =)

``Mat Jenin

promos.

promos are in 5 days time n i am so not prepared! gosh. i dont want to say this but i think i'll get retained at year two nxt year. hellllooooooooooo year ones! here i come! sheesh. teruk nah. ok lah ok lah. i dont wanna say much. we'll just see what's gonna happen to me lah eh. i'll work hard no doubt abt that but i just dont have confidence in myself. so irritating. come on Jenin. u can do it. believe u can do it and u'll be able to do it.

yesterday i went to sch. come on dont laugh. i didnt know it was a freaking holiday. neither did lahling. so we ended up studying at the sch's lib. with like only 2-3 ppl around. pathetic sey. haha. after study we went to gombak n i accompanied him for a hair cut. before, he look like kitana. now, he look like ahmad jais. kekeke. seriously. but nevertheless, he looked smart. just like a typical school boy. with his bag n all. nicee. =)

ok. the 2nd day of Ramadhan. i havent got the chance to feel it yet because i'm on holiday if u know what i mean. yeah. so i'm looking forward to fasting because, the ultimate reason, i wanna lose weight. hees~ happy fasting ppl! oh yeah. to fafa. thnx for the post! u r so sweet! *awwww...*

``Mat Jenin

SCRIPT-ing

Just now, i went to the post mortem for Khilaf 2008. supposed to be there at 2 but then i got lost n i asked lahling to pick me up from where ever i was. we reached there abt 245-3 arnd there and everybody was already there. dah macam star karat lah pulak. then we ate, they talked n we reviewed the overall performance. all in all i must say i still LOVED this Khilaf maybe because of the storyline n the cast. most of the main cast are so talented. ooh. n yah. i fell in love with one of the actor. his character is called DAUD. omg lah. he is so hot. n cute. n charismatic. n i just LOVEEE~ his voice. pandai2 lah eh krg carik sendiri. =) after the whole thing, everyone just went crazy. the guys just cant help it but to grope and to touch each other's.. ya know. tk senonoh. then we went back home while the ThumbPrint members stayed on for a discussion.

now i'm currently working on my storyline for Awang Belanga 2009 which will most probably be held in March. i can tell u this is so gonna be a burdening but an enriching experience for me due to the fact that most of the ALUMNI's are gonna be busy with their teching career n uni schedule. now it is all up to us. ok dah.

aktuali the purpose of me blogging is because i wanna clear the pictures i've kept for so long in my hp. i thought of blogging abt it but i got no time. so here goes. *the randomness*

this is what me n my DARLOVERS did during the last sastera class we had. it was so boring i swear. at least we managed to keep our eyes wide open. at least we get to stay awake n hear what Mdm R had to say. keke. i'm not telling u who these ppl are *be it the owner of the hands or the owner of the names* =)

ok now. this is the picture that me n lahling took during the full dress rehearsal that we did moments before the actual pementasan. everybody was eating back stage n it was so packed. so me n lahling decided to sit by the side curtains. in the dark. actually not dark lah. abg mok was testing for the lights for a particular scene. red lights. i find it interesting so i decided, or rather, WE decided to camwhore. red pics = fulldress. colour pics = aftershow. *winks*

ok this last picture. i guess there's no need for explanation lah kan. this is what happens when u leave some markers in front of a bored GP student. like me. =P

``Mat Jenin

for you

okok. i am so sorry. the last post i forgot to include the names of the 4 most impt people that waited for us inside the theatre. n i am so sorry. i didnt forget on purpose. it just slipped off mty mind sey. tkmo marah hor. i only remembered people whom i met outside of the theatre. keke. sOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO sorry. ok. this post is for AQIDAH AND AMIRUL. and this especially goes out to...

NURHAYATI MD FAUZY

AND

NUR FARZANA ROSTAM

aku love korang lah. sorry k? ada faham? =)

k dah. i got nothing more to blog aktuali. no lah. aktuali got a lot. but i very lazy to blog abt it. hmm let me see. oh yah. firstly, just now somebody belanja me, lahling and hayati ice cream..! i loike! keke. ok. secondly, hayati literally tripped off the stairs and fell. haha. it was damn funny lah. *dah gitu pun masih nak maintain vogue. sheesh.* thirdly, lahling tersangkut while trying to get into the taxi. he just cant close the taxi door no matter how hard he tried. and he ended up struggling like nobody's business. there's a UMM women a second there. *ok. personal joke. =P* aniwae. supposed to meet abg nizam today. but ALL my grp members were busy. so yeah. cant get to meet him.

OMG! GP PROMOS IS TMRW! WTF!

OOOOKAAY... i think i better go study something. if not.. sheesh. dont ever talk abt the outcome izyan. never. *haiya! tai ah tai!* gotta rush people. lovees~

ps. lahling. thanks for being there for me hor.
saya betul2 appreciate kehadiran awak tadi dan sebelumnya.
jenin sayang awak sangat2 k. <33

``Mat Jenin

KHILAF

i'm back from the KHILAF! gosh. it has been hectic for the past 4 days of my life. i just joined khilaf on wednesday and saturday is the performance.. `can u believe it? only 2 days of training for a big performance. like wth. but nevertheless. it is fun. teehee. on friday we had a camp at NIE and i swear for first time i never felt tired. from being in 2 scenes, i ended up being in every single cabaret scene there is. n at the camp, i learnt the dance steps. n again. `can u believe it? too many little things made up the fun times i enjoyed during this period of time. i get to know new people. i get to be on stage. i get to act. i get to enjoy and cherish those drama moments that i'll not be able to enjoy in the short run. teehee. best ke pe.

hafiz looked super funny when he danced and sang. hazriq looked super scared when he's supposed to dance with me. *no wonder. hafiz told him i was a trans. ass u.* Lahling looked super tensed when i sat on him. and i looked super HOT. ok crap. haha. no lah. it was my lips actually. it was so obvious when i wore those blood red lipsticks. *i hate MAKEUPS.* yeah. during the performance day, we ate bread for breakfast and bicuits for lunch. it lasted us for the whole day, like 10 plus 11 pm? ok one more time. `can u believe it? oh oh. yah. Lahling's gf was there. wow. what a surprise. *ape lagi izyan? FLIRT ah!* that was what my mind was telling me. but on second thought. i dont think so lah. so BITCHY. but some of the cast was like, 'Yan, boleh lah. kau FLIRT gile maut punye ah. tk obscene. serious. kau buat aje.' i was like laughing away siak. i didnt know i would get the green light from Lahling. `can u believe it? sheesh. n yah. hafiz. even though i was in those tight batik n corset, he just wont stop bugging me. he kept pushing me back stage. OBJECTIVE:TO MAKE IZYAN FALL. tk guna kn. luckily i'm in my kain. if not my foot would have landed on his head. grr.

n i didnt know so many people would turn up. `can u believe it? so supportive of them. ok i'd like to mention who i saw. AMIRAH, HER BROTHER [I LOIKE!!!], SHA2, AZIMAH, TWIN SIS, HUMAIRAH, AINI, NIZAR and HANNAH. thanks a lot people for supporting theatre arena. we love u! =))

ok the bottomline.

`i just love acting.

`i just love drama.

ps. I KNOW ITS NOT MY FAULT. BUT I'M SAYING SORRY BECAUSE I LOVE YOU.

``Mat Jenin

idiot

i cant believe i fucking trusted u. u think i know nothing. u think i'm naive. u think i'm gonna follow whatever the fuck that u say. u r fucking wrong. just when i said i wanted to change. for the sake of u. just when u said u r still going to stick to me. fucking lies. i saw her blog idiot. just because she's a big fat bitch doesnt mean i am big fat afraid of her. dumb ass. now i know. i realli know. n i'm realli convinced. n now i'm going to make 3 BIG statements n make sure u get this inside ur head.

I DONT LOVE U ANYMORE. I DONT WANT TO BE WITH U ANYMORE. N DONT U EVER BOTHER MY LIFE AGAIN.

oh gosh. cant believe i can hurt this much. so much for ur LIES idiot. grrr. idiot idiot idiot idiot. shit lah. cant believe i fucking trusted u. fuck lah izyan. argh. ok stop. no more nonsense from u, izyan. he's a bloody ass mother fucker cant u see? move on already. sheesh. alrite. hope ur happy with your 'budak kecik' you 'budak besar'. GO FUCK WITH YOUR FAT N SMELLY BITCH FOR ALL I CARE. SHITHEAD FUCKERS.

PERIOD.

``Mat Jenin

btw

oh yah. btw.

HAPPY 43rd BIRTHDAY,

SINGAPORE!

I LOVE YOU!!

&& HAPPY NATIONAL DAY EVERYONE!!!!!!

080808

yday was fun. we had activities in school, after school n the best part is, there were cute people everywhere! teehee. ok stop. yday i went bowling with hafiz hidayah handry n zul. i learnt one thing yday. hafiz knew how to BOWL! like wth. he was damn good lah. shoot him. grr. aniwae. we wanted to make that day as special as possible so we decided to invited amirah razak along. *well she was hoping somthing special would happen on that day. =P* then we went to jrg ent ctr to get some pictures. which surprising turns out nice considering the fact that hafiz was in picture. haha. oh yah btw. he looked so hot lah in his outfit. *Hafiz, if ur reading this, jgn nk kembang2 pulak. dah bagus aku puji kau tau.* aniwae talkign abt outfits, i cant even walk properly in the outfit that i wore yday. i swear i nvr wear those kinda stuff before. i feel womanised. haha. the flaps at the bottom of that dress keeps flipping open exposing whatever that shudnt be exposed. having said that, ya know what zul told me? if he sees it once accidentally, it's a bonus. if he sees it more than 2 times, it's considered a sin. wth. haha. nevertheless i had fun yday. so much fun to the extent that i forgot my hunger. kekeke. yeah. ok. i love my peeps. sheesh. random siak. haha. okok i'm done.

ps. ur confession on this day really made a difference. it made my heart smile. =)

``Mat Jenin

MI Mart

yday i went to PS to check out the MI Mart with handry fafa n haha. n it was not something i expected. i thought it would be big but its not. whatever it was still FUN. haha. it felt like school gitu. cuz everywhere i turn i know these ppl's faces. =)) good job everyone. then while waiting for lahling to finish his stuff there, me hafiz handry fafa along with the A5 girls went to the Padang to watch fireworks. so nicee. dah mcm budak2 deprived yg tk pernah tgk fireworks gitu. haha. den this maybank building got this scrolling lights that says ' NDP 08'. double nicee. teehee. then after that they went to eat at raffles city SC but then decided to walk fafa to the mrt station cuz she had to go off. from there i went back to PS n met lahling. then he sent me home. =)

all in all today i got 3 stuff that my lovees~ bought for me from MI Mart. handry gave me a green flower. *green? weird.* saiful gave me a pair of earings. *that 1 belen2 sey. kurang asam.* lahling gave me a PINK windmill that spins when the wind blows. *i wonder what's that supposed to mean.* aniwae yday was realli fun. oh yah. n the funny thing is ppl dont recognise me. wth. do i realli look that bad? sheesh. =P btw i dont know why but yday in the early evening just before we went off to watch the fireworks tonnes of ppl came to me n said, 'ALERT ALERT ALERT. STAY AWAY FROM THE MI MART. DANGER.' i swear i dont know why they do that lah. esp lahling. so random sak. haha. shortly after that the A5 girls urged us to the Padang for the fireworks. haiya. gila punya dunia.

ok this is off topic. i just realised that i had a SUPER PRETTY BESTFRIEND. haha. ok. random! =P nevertheless. he's hot. *gosh. i cant believe i said that lah.*

ps. that msg u gave me after u sent me home made me go La La~

``Mat Jenin

Lahling ah

ok. just now i went out with my dear lahling. we went to the NLB to find some of my PW materials. spending a whole day with him taught me something about him. he wore the same perfume, he dresses the same fashion, he eats the same way and he made me happy to the exact same extent. just like METKF. hish. i cant believe it. no wonder i kept kissing his shoulders. it was that damn perfume. that exact same perfume i've lived with for the past 3 yrs of my life. everything i buried just popped back up. my lahling realli reminded me of METKF. ok enough of METKF. whatever it is my lahling realli made me happy. thnx eh babe. thnx for the time n listening ear. i realli appreciate it. =) ok i'm done. haha. *what a pathetic post.*

ps. lahling ah.

wa pilan2 sidang jiatuh cinta sama lu lei.

jangian ini maciam lah.

wa manyak silam sikali.

``Mat Jenin

its ok

"I saw you with your new girl just yesterday,

And I feel that i must confess.

Even though it kills me to have to say,

I'll admit that I was impressed."

well. happy 12 days to u two. i think i have nothing more to say. it seem so easy for u to move on. so easy for u to find a replacement. maybe because u already knew her for like quite sometime already. u dont know how much it hurts to see that. to see how much u eased out of ur previous relationship with me. it just hurts so much. but u were so happy. for that i think i'm happy for u too. i hope i'm strong enough to face all these. u've put me in much much worse situations before and i made it thru. why not now? its hard to move on in the first place. i am just so thankful that i have my frens around me. i know for now that i dont need a relationship. after seeing u n ur new gf, it made me double sure that i dont want a relationship. because firstly, i have my studies. secondly, i dont want additional problems. thirdly, i need time to move on. i dont wanna reminisce animore. i just wish both of u all the best for ur future. *smiles* i hope she'll love u better than i do. *now i am angry.*

cheebai lah. stupid cheating bastard. u ass-headed motherfucker.

u think ur the sweetest guy-with-a-dick in the entire whole wide world? u r sooooooo wrong, Mister.

we'll see who gets the last laugh, idiot.

whatever it is, happy going-thru-the-ups-&-DOWNS-together to the both of u.

ps. bitch, i dont hate u. i hate ur bf.

*ok. after all that, i feel better now. =)*

``Mat Jenin

Zimbabwe

well last few days were just super awesome. i had my dose of fun on monday which is RACIAL HARMONY DAY! yay! haha. n i got myself a self-proclaimed temporary boyfriend. haha. Mr Jul-Keith-Lee. =)) well. on monday it turns out as expected. like more than 3/4 the sch's population r NOT in their costumes. like wth. so tk sporting. sheesh. aniwae. i got my bangs. literally everyone called me a Zimbabwean-Born Chinese. super kurang ajar. haha. i am not lah kn. although i do agree that i look very much like a zimbabwean in cheongsam. =P. haha. so yeah. for once in my life, i LOVED monday. gosh. the day went by so fast lah kn. oh yah. my TBF sent me home. *haiya Jul. tengkiu vely mas ah 4 sentin me home ah. vely suwit ah u.* ok the typical me. pictures. =)

me n zahrah.me n handryfandy n meme n nizar *this handry dont know how to take a simple picture. grr.*amirah n me darlinhidayah n memeet the temporary boyfriend. =P


ps. i stopped talking to u i guess. why? i dont know.

``Mat Jenin

Pantun

yday we went to the pantun finals. n after rounds of stupidity, we came in 3rd. hee. expected mah. haiya. then after that we changed n we went off to kak su's mum's boutique n stayed there n chatted for a few hours with cg lilla. then cg lilla went for a full body massage n we went off. we as in hidayah hafiz zul n me. we went off to bugis junction n stayed there for a while. then suddenly, while we were beside a man's clothes retailer, the song 'Get Low' was played. n guess what hafiz did. yeah. he danced. yes. he danced in the middle of that bugis junction. it was damn embarrassing lah! everybody was looking sia. he didnt particularly dance tau. he swayed n grinded on the wall sia! irritating sey. so memalukan. haha. i got the video lah aktuali but i hadnt got time to upload it yet. if i do then i'll post it up. *embarrassing him is my hobby. =)*

well. yday was also the day i got to know something i wished i didnt know. i didnt know that u could do this to me. i thought i could rely on u. but u made me feel i was wrong. u made me feel that u;ve played me behind my back. u changed. u keep making me feel that way. kept going against ur own words. i know i shouldnt say all these but i just cant stop myself. u have ur own life now. i cant possible contain everything under my control n acknowledgement. i hope ur happy with what ur doing. i hope u'll finally understand what i'm going thru as much as i know what ur going thru. i hope u know that u've changed. i dont think i fit in ur category animore. i'm sorry. its just me i guess. now all i want from u is one thing n one thing only. please. ignore me.

ps. i'll still love u no matter what.

``Mat Jenin

post exam

i feel so lethargic lah at school just now. i'm still in the post exam holiday mood sey. haiya. so difficult to suddenly adapt to the assembly just now morning. haha. aniwae my first official lesson starts at 10 which is PE. since it was raining we had to go to the centre stage for a re-grouping of the games group. supposedly i was supposed to be in the hockey games group. but eventually i just realised i hadnt taken my NAPFA test cuz i was on long term mc ever since the starting of the year. so i decided to join in with the NAPFA failures just so i can take my test. n guess what. as usual, when hafiz found out i was with the NAPFA failures, he kept laughing his ass off every single time he saw me *and that's like what? every minute?* wth.

den it was time to take my weight. so paisey lah kn cuz everybody arnd me were particularly guys. then my PE teacher in charge, Mr Sir said, "Do you want me to read out your weight for u or u want to look down and read it urself?" out of laziness, of course i said, "nvrmind ah cher. u read out for me ah. i lazy uh." den u know what he did? i stood on the weighing scale and suddenly he shouted sia, " Izyan, 76.5kg!!!!" i was like OMG! wtf! so paisey lah! den he laughed. i really thought he was saying the truth sey. luckily he was joking. i felt so relieved lah kn. haha. ehem2. now i can proudly say that i dropped 2 kg over the exam period to 56 kg. teehee. =))

ok then after PE me dayah hafiz n handry realised the canteen stall had this new drinks menu. so colourful. hehe. they sold pink champange, blueberry, orangejuice, grape and other coloured drinks lah. then we bought 3 of em. suddenly our break felt so rainbow-ish.

haiya. these two ppl just dont wanna get out of my life n my pictures. oh yah btw, just now morning, during the grooming check in class, i 'pau-to' hafiz. i told my form teacher he had a tatoo. on his forehead. haha.

``Mat Jenin

thanks

i thought if i did nice things to people n act like myself, i would get something nice back in return. but it turns out to be the other way round. why? i dont know. but i just cant stop asking myself. all i wanted was to move on. is it even wrong? am i even allowed to? i am just so freaking lucky that i have my friends around me. they're the only people that makes my world go round. gerl, i so need u now. cuz i'm fucking pissed with myself.

ps. ~just when i thought u make me feel secure.
~just when i thought i can learn to move on.
~just when i thought things are getting better.
~just when i thought i've learnt to love u.

``Mat Jenin

new hottstuff

guess what. i've gotten over the fact. the truth. the reality. like finally.

n i got a new hottstuff.

he's dark.

the way i like it. =)

keep ya'll updated.

oh yah btw.

STOP telling me that me n hafiz look good together!

he looks good wo a gf.

teehee.

ok. gtg.

will update soon.

``Mat Jenin