Saddened

Oak Abe Abe.

I just feel like crying. I just feel like wailing. To my heart's content. I soo need a hug. )':

<3

Rindu adalah minyak yang menyemarakkan lagi api cinta.
Jadi...
Cepat panggil bomba!
saya dah terbakar.
Hehe.

-Zulkifli.H

I love you, I swear. (:

Sibuk

Banyak sangat orang yang sibuk. Baik sibuk bekerja sampai terlupa pasal aku, atau yang sibuk sekolah sampai takde masa untuk aku. Yang lain sibuk bersekolah sampai takde masa untuk aku dan ade pulak yang sibuk nak amek tahu hal luar dalam aku. Aku pulak sibuk dengan isu2 dalaman aku. Baik drama, baik keluarga, baik kekasih mahupun hidup aku. Segala2nya sibuk. Sampaikan aku sendiri takde masa untuk berhenti dan berfikir, tentang baik buruk akibat keputusan yang aku buat sekarang.

Baikkk broooo.

D5D

oak abe abe.

DEPOT 5 DARA is in 2 more days!!

omg.

i hate the feeling of..
the heart in my mouth,
the butterflies in my tummy
and the questions in my mind,

but i love the feeling of..
the flowers in my heart.

((:

``Mat Jenin

feelings

oak abe abe.

i feel bad. fucking bad. you know why? you dont? well. neither do i. i've not been spending enough time with lahling. he got school, i got drama. oh hells. i cant wait for depot and aesop to end. no no no. its not because i hate the productions. u know how much i looove drama productions.. its only because i feel that i'm not giving enough time for my family, for my bf. my mom has started nagging. my bf has started asking. and all these are making me feel like a jerk. ok lah, not literally. but still. this feeling sucks. i hate it. oh june, please come quickly. ):

ok dah. actually i'm supposed to be working right now and..... ohh. work. wahlauwei.

``Mat Jenin

Diam.

Diam, aku kata diam!

.

Ada orang tak tau diam;

Mulutnya membebel, tak berhenti, tak tahu makna diam.

.

Ada orang pula tidak tahu duduk diam.

Merayap merayau ke sana sini, pantat tak tahu diam.

.

Ada pun orang yang pura-pura diam;

kerana takut, kerana patuh, kerana entah apa sebabnya, dia terus diam.

.

Ada juga yang secara semula jadi pendiam;

tanyalah apa jawapan sekalipun, mungkin dia senyum, namun dia tetap diam.

.

Ada pula yang terdiam membisu seribu bahasa;

terperanjat, terkejut, tidak tersangka, sehingga lidah kelu berkata-kata, maka dia pun diam.

.

Ada juga yang mendiamkan diri;

tidak mahu tidak rela mengundang fitnah salah faham, ikut pesan nabi lebih baik diam.

.

Ada bemaksudkan diam tanda setuju;

Tunduk tanda malu, maka apa-apa keputusan pun bererti ya, setuju, selagi kau diam.

.

Kalau kena diam membatu;

berbuallah kau dengannya, lebih baik layankan tembok, kerana sama-sama tidak beremosi, sama-sama diam.

.

Mungkin aku yg patut diam.

kerana selama ini aku bising sangat. seminit pun tak tau diam.

Mungkin aku yang patut diam, buang ezlink, jangan merayap ke mana-mana lagi, duduk rumah diam-diam.

.

Mungkin juga aku pura-pura diam;

kerana takutkan, segan atau tunduk patuh, maka aku harus diam.

.

Ataupun aku seharusnya menjadi pendiam;

walhal sebenarnya aku ni memang pendiam orangnya.

.

Aku mungkin terdiam;

kalau ada yang benar-benar bersungguh2, dengan entah apa kuasa, dapat melenyapkan sesuatu dalam sekelip mata.

.

Mungkin lebih baik mendiamkan diri;

maka tidak menimbulkan fitnah atau buruk sangka, senyum kambing sepenuh masa.

.

Atau berangguk-angguk diam;

layankan setiap gerak geri, biarlah biarkan apa sahaja; apa nak jadi, jadilah...

.

Namun tidak mudah untuk aku diam membatu;

kerana aku masih punyai perasaan. hatiku berdegup darah merah, bukan seketul batu simen dan bancuhan air tanah.

.

Diam membawa seribu makna tersirat. Bila kesabaran tergugat, terdiam tecegat.

jangan sampai ku perlu ulangi, sesal kemudian tiada berguna lagi.

...

..

.

``Mat Jenin

oak abe abe.

i am super busy with shooting and drama, i barely have time for my beloved boyfriend.
sorry lahling, please tell me u will be free this coming weekend.
i wanna go out with youuuuu.
GAAHHHH.

``Mat Jenin

oak abe abe.

up till today, my mind is still stuck with one thing. i shall not mention what is that 'thing' i'm talking about, but i just wanna say that its bothering me very very much. i need help, but i'm afraid. i need to talk, but i dont know how. wahlauwei.



ps. wo ai ni.
pss. i know ps has nothing to do with the post. hahaha.

``Mat Jenin

oak abe abe.
this will be a very short post.
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aku jatuh cinta... sekali lagi. (:

``Mat Jenin

oak abe abe.

this message goes out to one person and one person only.

TO YOU.
i lost ur number.
so try your best to get my new number.
i'll be waiting for ur msg. (:

``Mat Jenin

*screams*

oak abe abe!

i have good news and bad news.
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the bad news is i cant buy my AINO phone because its too expensive. :(((
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the good news is..... I GOT AN iPHONE FOR FREE!!!!! *screams*

oh wells. anyway.
its the time of the month where i can cry laugh and shout for no reason.
dont blame me. blame the pms.


ps.
i love you dear uncle.
i love you dear family. (:

``Mat Jenin

Kepada yang bernama kemarahan

Terlalu jauh untuk mengusapi
seraut wajah bernama insan
walau di sini aku telah lama
berkunjung dan berhenti
pada suatu persinggahan.

Api yang semarak dan menyala
tidak mungkin dapat dipadam
setelah pintu kesabaran
terkunci mati dan diri
pun tersadai di lembah
nafsu yang menggila.

Tuhan
telah Kau taburi butir-butir keinsafan
mungkin setelah aku
meluangkan sedikit masa mengingati-Mu
dan menghumbankan sesuatu
sifat yang dibenci, yang dikeji.

``Mat Jenin

aku sayang korang. sumpah.

aku rindu korang. sumpah square. (:

``Mat Jenin

remember those times,
when we used to gossip about people.
we felt so invincible.

remember those times,
when we used to laugh and chat and bitch
about almost anything under the sun.
we felt as though nothing can tear us apart.

remember those times,
when i needed ur help,
and i dont know who to turn to,
but u were there, always there,
to lend me a listening ear, a crying shoulder.

remember those times,
when we keep debating about love,
and u didnt believe a single thing i say,
well look at where u are now,
so happy, so cheerful,
i am very proud of u.

i remember the time,
when i missed the most important date of ur life,
ur 20th birthday,
i never plan it to be that way
because we both know that i wouldnt miss it for the world.
but i did. i'm sorry.

i hope u remember those times we had,
because i will always do,
and i wont be able to forget it,
no matter how much i want to.

ps. dedicated to a special friend i'll always remember, NurAmirahRazak.

``Mat Jenin

oak abe abe.

honestly, i dont think u have moved on. ask yourself the same question, u will also think the same. but sacrificing now for the past? i dont think so. but what makes u think u can go on like this? what makes u think that dwelling will ever solve anything? come on man. u are a freaking guy so just stand up and face me will ya?

i'm sick of these nosey people and i'm sick of ur empty words. i can do and will do everything in my power to get back whatever i lost. but u? will u do the same thing? i dont think so. all because of ur fucking big ego. oh and ur fucking fat gf. penakut sak. puh-lease eh people. tolong lah jangan jadi kedi dalam hidup. and to the gf2 kat luar tu, tolong lah jangan nak queen control jantan kau. kalau takde ape2 yang kurang pada diri kau, asal kau takut jantan kau lari kat betina lain? lain lah kalau kau tau yang jantan kau tu tak suka dengan ape yang kau ade sekarang. so tak masuk akal ok.

anyway. the bottomline is that u should shut up and stop telling urself about how pointless ur life is and how things can be better. come up to me and spit ur words to my face. only then u can talk about making things better. oh and dont even expect me to give up my everything when u cant even give up ur pathetic, unsincere relationship for the one u claim to be ur everything. tolong eh. jangan pathetic. aku benci orang talam dua muka macam kau. lagi2 yang cakap tak serupa buat. betul2 tak bermakna hidup kau. kesian.

ps. gambar takde kena mengena dengan post ni.

pss. i just wonder why the hell i am soo in love with this utterly random but sweet guy. (:

``Mat Jenin

oak abe abe.

i have a feeling. a very strange feeling.
a feeling that i'm not looking forward to.
if, just if it was not meant to be, please dont let me go back to where i first started.



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I WANNA PASS MY A LEVELS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

heh. ape je tau yang korang fikir.
:P

``Mat Jenin

oak abe abe!

yesterday was awesome. zati [yes, ZATI.] and muna came over because they claimed that they were soo freaking bored. and we spent the whole afternoon and night chatting and gossiping. oh and disturbing muna. hahaha. it was uber fun i tell u. beeccaauussee simply i miss my zati. i really do. its been eons since i last saw her lor. anyway she slept over at my place because she was too lazy to go home. as usual lah kan. heh.

just now i had voluntary work at Jamiyah with dear lahling. to get the residents to sign on the wishing spheres. it was eye-opening i must say. with their life stories and all. after the trip we went back to esplanade before proceeding to school for MI's band performance with lahling and his friends. the performance was fine, at least better than the last, so, congrats! ok i think that is all for now lah. oh btw thanks zee for letting me use ur laptop to update my blog. *whispers* takut zai marah aku lagi ah. hahaha.

RANDOMthoughts.
kau jangan perasan jubor yang tu anak kau.
sebab sememangnya kau tak layak untuk memegang gelaran AYAH. ((:

``Mat Jenin

oak abe abe!

sorry for privatising my blog hor. some people just dont know when to quit. heh. well, its LOVE lah. love makes u go crazy even after the relationship ended. heh. anyway. i went prawning with lahling just now! super awesome. like at last i get my dose of prawning lor. haha. oh and my tagboard dah takde sebab.. u read it. hee. i've nothing more to say to that. life must go on ok? mishary was discharged from the hospital yesterday. had some complications here and there but he's fine. thanks to urs truly lah kan. *beams* thanks to my friends who came to visit. love korang many2. ok lah i want to get some sleep. i'm going out with handry tmrw soo i need extra energy to layan his nonsense. haha. nights.

Ya Allah.
please make it happen. please let it last.
Amin.

``Mat Jenin

oak abe abe.

listen beloved readers. from now on i wont be posting pictures here at my blog because firstly, blogger is being such a bitch, secondly i am lazy to upload and thirdly i dont want too many people coming to my blog. anyway, i think i am going to privatise my blog soon. kalau korang ade ape2 just find me through facebook ochey? *smiles*

dear ex bf.
i dont have anything to say to you since you dont want to do this the civilised way.
only one thing that i have left to say.
karma is descending its effects on you now. (:

to the public - including u, mr ex bf.
i have every right to publish any, i repeat, ANY photos that i want or i wish to and you dont have any right over my actions because simply, you dont OWN me, you dont pay for my living and i dont owe u anything. unless of course, i call u IBU or BABA then u have all the right over my actions in every possible way.

yes i do believe in karma. that's why i believe that u deserve everything that you are going through now. ok lah, almost everything. remember what u did to me sometime ago? all those lying and cheating and negligence. i went through it alone. and lierally ALONE. sooooo. now its ur turn. alah its simple lah baby. i call it beautiful karma. ((:

sheesh. i miss babydarling.
lahling cepat balik ok? i wanna go prawning. heee.

``Mat Jenin

back back back ey.

oak abe abe!

ade orang dah complain yang blog ni berhabuk. heh. sooooooooo i decided to update something. this is for u zai! ((: lately i've been super duper busy with my exam lah. so sorry for the delay. but guess what? i'm only left with one paper only! and then i will really be able to enjoy the word "freedom". heeee. my love life has been awesome. minor downs here and there but we managed to get the mood back up. *smiles* relationships are never complete without misunderstandings and little quarrels, ey?

oh btw zai, ur fren is my bf's ex-gf's poly mate. ok random but yeah. hehe.

oh talking about ex-es. my EX BF is being irritating. listen, 'love'. i really dont understand what the hell u are trying to prove but it is seriously not funny. if u do have anything to say or clarify, just PRIVATELY msg me. i have a hp for a reason u know. grr. bloody irritating sia. we made a deal so STICK TO IT.

ok dah. i guess that's it. anything further, ms zainuriah will remind me to update my blog again. hee. oh and zai, AKU RINDU KAU OK? ((((((:

``Mat Jenin